


Somewhere that’s green

by stjarna



Series: Season 5 spec fics / coda / missing scenes [8]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Timeline, F/M, Feels, I made myself sad, MCD only mentioned, Other, Sad, Sadness, i don't know why i did this, little bit of hope, parent's death, takes place in one of the previous loops, why would i do this?, written and posted before watching 5x13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-03 18:53:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14002416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stjarna/pseuds/stjarna
Summary: In one of the previous time loops, Fitz talks to his daughter about her mother. (obviously this must be a previous time loop, because this time they'll save the world, right?)





	Somewhere that’s green

**Author's Note:**

> Big thank you to @dilkirani for the beta.
> 
> [Title from “Somewhere that’s green” from Little Shop of Horrors.](https://youtu.be/YIvpOIUqKKA)
> 
> I'M SORRY!

“Hey, Monkey.” Her father’s voice was quiet, the familiar hint of tired sadness that he never quite managed to hide lacing his tone.

She looked up from her notepad, smiling widely at him. “Hey, Dad. How’s the machine coming?”

One corner of his mouth quirked up briefly, although his eyes remained somber. “We’ll get there eventually. Sorry I didn’t say bye this morning. You were still sleeping when I left for the Zephyr.”

“Don’t worry. I’m old enough to take care of myself.”

A sad smile flashed across his face as he sighed deeply. “Yeah, I know.” He stepped closer to her bed, holding his hands behind his back. He lifted his chin in her direction. “What are you working on?”

She couldn’t help but grin proudly, turning the schematics around so her dad could see them. “A belt buckle. I had this idea for a gravity puck. You know, using gravitonium.”

Her father’s eyes lit up briefly. “Smart idea.”

“Can you help me with it?” she asked optimistically.

A quiet chuckle escaped his lips and he nodded ever so slightly. “Yeah, sure. Another time though. Today we celebrate.” He pulled his left hand from behind his back, holding it up, a boyish smirk spreading across his face that even reached his eyes. “Happy birthday, Monkey.”

She laughed, placing her notepad down and pulling her legs up until she sat cross-legged on the bed. “The traditional birthday orange.”

She grabbed the fruit from her father’s hand, bringing it up to her nose and smelling its citrus scent, her lips reflexively pulling into a wide smile. “Thank you, Dad.”

He nodded, his eyes becoming strangely misty as he swallowed hard. “I’ve got something else for you, too, though.”

He pulled his right hand from behind his back, revealing a simple box, which he handed her.

She furrowed her brow, not daring for a moment to take her eyes off her father. Then she opened the box, her eyes widening when she saw the familiar white and red piece of rock. “The monolith,” she mumbled quietly.

“Our ticket out of here,” her dad replied, his voice just as low.

When she picked up the stone, her eyes caught sight of a sparkle in the corner of the box. She placed the monolith back, taking the small object instead and studying the ring in her hand.

“What’s that?” she asked, feeling her heart beat quicker in her chest, afraid of her father’s reply. She looked up, noticing his tear-rimmed eyes.

“It’s your mum’s wedding ring.” He gave her the answer she’d already anticipated.

She blinked, noticing the ring becoming blurry in front of her eyes. “Why are you giving it to me?” Her voice trembled as she spoke.

“Because you’re supposed to have it.”

Her face distorted, as it became harder to fight back her fears and emotions. “Did she tell you that?”

She looked up, seeing her father gazing back at her, his expression unusually soft. He shook his head. “No,” he replied quietly.

“Robin?” she asked.

Once again, his head moved side to side. “No. Somebody else. You’ll meet him one day. He’ll be important.”

She wrinkled her forehead, confused by his vagueness. “He came back with you?”

Her father nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, he did. Couldn’t have done it without him.”

“But he’s not here now?” Again, she already knew the answer before her dad replied.

“No. He died with your mum. Protecting you. Protecting the others.” He spoke with a heaviness, each phrase leaving his lips slowly, as if it took effort.

She pressed her lips into a thin line, trying to keep her chin from quivering. “I wish I remembered her.”

Her eyes filled with tears. She looked at her dad, watching a pained smile flash across his face, before he bit his lower lip, a single tear jumping off his lashes and snaking down his cheek. “I wish that, too,” he replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Can you tell me about her again?”

He drew in a stuttering breath, closing his eyes, trying in vain to stop more tears from running down his face. He swallowed, nodding slightly. “Yeah, yeah, of course.”

He stepped closer, sitting down next to her on the bed and wrapping one arm around her shoulders. He pulled her closer, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, and she felt a tear weave through her hair until its cold wetness touched her scalp.

She closed her eyes, listening to her father’s quiet sad voice, the same story he'd told her so many times before, each time with the slightest bit of variation.

“She was incredibly smart, like you. A brilliant mind. She could explain the most complex concepts in the most simple words and make it sound beautiful. She was strong-willed. Determined. Optimistic. She was kind. She wanted to help. She wanted to make the world a better place. Fight injustice. She thought of others first and herself last. She was beautiful. Her eyes were so—” He paused, lost for words. “And her smile… her smile could light up the world.” A quiet chuckle escaped him and he lifted his head to look at his daughter. “Just like yours.”

She couldn’t stop her lips from pulling into a wide smile at his words, and the way her reaction caused her dad’s eyes to light up caused some of the sadness in her heart to melt away.

“Yeah, just like that,” her dad said quietly. A hint of a smile still lingered on his lips as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “She loved you more than anything in this world.”

She looked down at the ring in her hand, slowly sliding it onto her finger, noticing how it fit far too loosely still. Her eyes wandered to the box resting on her lap, the white and red piece of monolith inside. “Why are you giving it to me now?”

She felt his muscles tense and looked up intuitively.

“’Cause it’s your birthday,” he replied, but she didn’t trust his smile.

“Why this birthday?”

He remained silent and she searched his watery eyes, seeing the answer he didn’t want to give.

“She told you something, didn’t she? Robin?” she confronted him.

He closed his eyes, looking away from her, and she couldn't hold back her tears any longer.

“No,” she whimpered. “No.”

His arm around her shoulders held her tighter, his free hand wrapping around the back of her head, pulling it against his chest. She listened for the frantic thumping of his heart, felt his lips press against her hair again. She heard his quiet, soothing “Shhhhhh,” as his thumb stroked up and down, but her sobs wouldn’t stop.

He pushed her face back, wiping away her tears. The corners of his mouth twitched as he forced an encouraging smile. “Just remember that Robin… For her, it’s all the same. The past, present, future. She can’t differentiate.” He sniffed, exhaling a shaky breath. “When she told me about your mum, it was two years before—”

“Yeah, and when she told us about May, it was two days,” she replied, angry at a world she couldn’t change.

He closed his eyes, a tear finding its way through his lashes and down his face. He looked back at her, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Yeah, I know. And I’m sorry.” His voice broke as more tears pushed to the surface. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, pressing his palm more firmly against her cheek.

He looked at her in silence for a moment, as lost for words as she was. He wet his lips, taking a deep breath that left his mouth as a stuttering exhale. “I hate myself every day for not being there,” he admitted, his tone laced with guilt. “That I couldn’t save her. Deke. I would have given anything to take their place. Yet, there was nothing I could do. I was left behind.”

His voice broke, and he swallowed, pinching the bridge of his nose, wiping away the watery streaks of tears on his face. “But I had promised your mum to keep going no matter what, to keep fighting. For her. For you. For a better future.”

He let his tears run freely now and she saw something behind his eyes she’d never noticed before.

“Your mum believed that one day… one day we’d fix it. One day we’d break the loop. One day we’d save the world.” His lips quivered, torn between crying and smiling. “And she’s rarely been wrong.”

Another stuttering breath left his lips. He cupped her cheek, his fingers digging into her flesh as if he tried to hold onto a lifeline. “So I have to believe, I have to trust that she’s right this time around too, and that all this pain and loss will be worth it in the end. I have to believe that one day I won’t be giving you her ring and this bloody piece of rock for your birthday. And it won’t be in this bunker. And it won’t be on a destroyed world. It will be you and me and her, in a home somewhere, somewhere green. And there’ll be cake, and presents, and our friends, and family—”

“—and a dog?” she chimed in, tears streaming down her face, mirroring the watery trails on her father’s cheeks.

He chuckled weakly, nodding in agreement. “Yeah, and a dog. And we’ll be together, and it will all be worth it.” He exhaled sharply, his thumb gliding across the soft skin below her eyes, wiping away her tears. He forced a smile, his head slowly moving side to side. “I’m sorry this isn’t that timeline yet, Monkey, but I promise you, I’ll never stop fighting to get there, for you, for her, for us.”

She smiled at her father, a genuine, hopeful smile. She glanced at the ring decorating her finger, at the monolith inside the box. “I promise you the same, Dad. I’ll protect this with my life.”

His face distorted, his body shook with sobs. He pulled her head against his chest, and his heart beat even more rapidly than it had before. “Yeah, you will,” he croaked, “and maybe this time it will be for the last time.”

He pushed her face back, cradling her cheeks in his palms, before pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I love you, Monkey girl.”

“I love you, too, Dad. One day we’ll get it right.”

He nodded in agreement, one corner of his mouth ticking into a half-smile. “One day soon.”

She turned her head, a grin spreading across her face. She picked up the orange, holding it up in front of her father’s face. “Wanna split the birthday orange?”

He chuckled, sniffing briefly as he wiped away the last of his tears. “Thought you’d never ask.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'M SORRY!
> 
> P.S. I could not bring myself to name her. I've named her in plenty of fics, but somehow, this time, I couldn't name her.


End file.
